Listen, I know all three of you reading this probably already subscribe to Chris Sims’s blog, but on the off chance that you don’t, you need to check out his latest post, which is guaranteed to crack the Internet in half.  I have no words.  None.

Word to the wise: Chris is talking about the most recent issue of Tarot, which means that the post is extremely unsafe for work.  And for your sanity.  Read it and then come back.

Think about this: Of the ten thousand plus visits that Chris has gotten for this post, at least a tenth of these people have clicked through because someone told them it was “the hottest thing ever.”

Think About It, Won’t You?

I like Matt Wagner a lot.  I like Francisco Francavilla (of Black Coat fame) a lot.  And I love Zorro.  Zorro hits two of my very largest buttons - the Batman button and the swashbuckling button - with equal zeal.  I also like Isabel Allende, and her Zorro novel is mostly fantastic.

So, when Wagner and Francavilla were attached to Dynamite’s new Zorro book, I freaked out a bit,  Especially when Wagner confirmed that he was basing Don Diego de la Vega’s origin on the Allende novel.

I’ve been largely quiet about the book since that time, but when it made Rachelle’s best of 2008 list, I resolved to spread the word about how swashmazing it is.  The book is iconic and awesome.  The action, which is all swordfights and horse chases, feels fluid and effortless.  If I had a scanner right now, I’d share the double page spread of Zorro fencing with Sgt. Gonzalez from issue #8, which is basically perfect.

Zorro is one of those books that is probably not getting the word of mouth because it’s simply too good.  There’s no controversy around it, no infamous creators getting into a kerflaffle with the fans, no severely laughable scheduling issues.  It’s just a good, high-quality comic book quietly coming out and kicking ass.

Wagner has really been doing amazing stuff over the past year (check out his Madame Xanadu mini with some absolutely gorgeous art by Amy Reeder Hadley) and the tubes have been relatively quiet about it, at least in the corners I read.  I guess it’s tough to blog about consistent excellence with any real verve.

When I moved off of Blogger and onto Wordpress, it effed up Sims’s links to my 30-Second Recap posts.  So, if you’re here looking for them, my recap of Grant Morrison’s 7 Soldiers is right here, as is my recap of J. Michael Straczynski’s Thor.

As for this year’s 30-Second Recap, I have something fun planned; now I just have to hope I don’t ruin it in the execution.

I’ve been hyper-critical of DC Comics’ marketing efforts for a good half a year here on Conditional Axe, and have griped about them offline for longer.  And it’s gotten to the point where I read more Image books than DC books each month (when Noble Causes ends, they’ll be neck and neck).

Maybe, though, I should give DC the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe they want to craft a long-term strategy that capitalizes on the most valuable outposts available to them.  Maybe they want to create a message that truly communicates with their userbase.  Maybe they don’t want to half-ass it, and rushing in blindly can lead to half-assery.

But I could be wrong.

The DC_Nation Twitter initiative lasted for about 48 hours.  It updated 18 times, 12 of which are links to aggrandizing press about DC.  There’s also one possibly combative reply to Marvel Art Director Rich Ginter and four Good Morning/Good Afternoon messages.  There’s no give and take here, no community, and no promotion of the artists and writers and other staffers under the DC umbrella.  It did help me find Karl Kerschl on Twitter, though, so that’s a good thing.

It’s entirely possible that DC didn’t set up the account; that some zealous fan did, and that’s why it stopped.  But then DC’s publicist is following it.

I would love to see the account come back in the new year with a new direction. I don’t hate DC; I just want them to be better.
EQUAL TIME: Several of DC’s imprints do have a good, interactive Twitter presence - like Zuda - and it’s no surprise that the social media webcomic arm of the publisher is doing it right.

I didn’t go to see “The Spirit” on Christmas day.

I go to the movies every Christmas. With the Coat Rack Tree not making a return appearance this year, it is perhaps my only Christmas tradition. On Christmas Eve, I thought to myself, “I am going to see The Spirit tomorrow, and I am going to write an excoriating blog post about it.” It was barely a thought, more like a cunning, animal urge.

I clung to the urge all the way to the theater. I was going to hate The Spirit and pay eight dollars for the privilege. I would then go home and proceed to be comically caustic about the rage I felt after watching a movie that I knew I was going to dislike before I even sat down in the theater’s lush stadium seats.

I bought a ticket for Bolt.

I don’t know why. I mean, Bolt has Miley Cyrus, John Travolta and adorable cartoon animals and none of those make for destination cinema in my mind. But it’s a strong Disney film, not on par with the string of 90s gems but much, much better than any of the House of Mouse’s non-Pixar stuff in the last five to six years. It’s no Wall-E, but then Wall-E will be very close to the top of my ‘Films of the Year’ list (if I ever get around to making that list, that is). I think I was prompted by Steve’s horrible revelation about the film, and Steve and I are on the same page about most things.

The following night, I went to see a movie with a friend. We saw Bedtime Stories. It was entertaining, if a bit overcute. I laughed. I was reminded how adorable Keri Russell is. It was a good, thought-free diversion of the kind that Sandler has been dishing out of late. It’s no Happy Gilmore or Punch Drunk Love, but - and I guess this is the takeaway I’m angling for here - not everything has to be.

So I set out to see one movie this holiday and saw two others that I never intended on watching. I enjoyed them more than I thought I would and I don’t regret missing the one that I passed over. It was, as Alan Moore would say, “positively energizing.”

I want to be a liker again. I realize that at some point I quit focusing on the things that I like and started paying way too much attention to things I hate. Maybe because it gets comments. Maybe because I was severely unhappy in my personal life and I wanted to do what friends do to other friends: share their pain. Maybe I grasp my vitriol tightly, like a child forcing the last remnants out of a tube of toothpaste, because I feel like it makes me more valid. But all of that is bullshit. I like things, and I want to be vocal about liking them again, not focused on how much this or that sucks.

Of course, there are some bailiwicks I won’t let go. Will I still bitch about DC’s marketing? Probably, at least as long as they continue to do it poorly. But I won’t be bitching about the content of their books, because I’m only reading the books I like now. I’ll be blogging about these things not because I’m some curmudgeonly, ever-vigilant, burrito-eating watchdog, but because I’m a marketer and a comics geek, and the intersection of the two means that I have Thoughts.

I can’t promise an end to the Things I Hate posts, but I think you’ll see less of them. In an effort to keep my New Year’s resolution manageable, I’m going to simply say that I’m trying to correct these things. I may slip. But 2009 has the potential to be one of the best years I’ve had in a long time, and I don’t want to spend it focusing on the things that I don’t like.

The confluence of the first major winter storm of 2008 to strike the eastern seaboard and the unreasoning tizzy created by the announcement of Geoff Johns’ departure from Justice Society of America threaten to shut major eastern cities down entirely for the rest of the week.  Meteorologists are predicting that “heavy winds and incessant whining” are the biggest potential dangers and cautions everyone with a 4 wheel drive vehicle or a tolerance for Alex Ross’s unsubtle Silver Age revisionism to stay off the streets.  “It’s going to be terrible,” one scientist warned.

Some are speculating that the cold front may replace Johns on the DC Comics title.

Posting about comics with something approaching regularity again?  Say it ain’t so!

Noble Causes #38: Noble Causes is always one of my favorite books on the week it comes out, and this week was no exception.  It was a solid, sometimes poignant one-off about Rusty Noble, the character on the team that’s been given the shortest shrift since the 5YL story began.  The revelation at the core of this story is satisfying but not shocking in the least, though it’s good to hear it out of the character’s mouth.  Yildiray Cinar’s clean, emotive art shines here, especially because he loves drawing Rusty.  With only two more issues left, I’m missing Noble Causes already.

X-Men Noir #1: What I’ve read of Fred Van Lente doesn’t make him my first choice to write a hard-boiled crime saga, but this first Marvel Noir title really kills.  The best alternate take on the X-Men since Age of Apocalypse 12 years ago.  Yeah, no powers, but there is a taut, moody, desperate story that nails what the X-Men have always been about.

X Infernus #1: Picking up where Kyle and Yost left off with New X-Men’s Childhood’s End V. 5, C.B. Cebulski writes a compelling first issue of the series that seems poised to bring Magik back into the Marvel U proper.  It’s competent and gives readers a few scenes that they’ve been wanting to see: Colossus confronting Cyclops about his sister’s fate, Nightcrawler coaching Pixie on teleportation.  Also, beheadings.

Secret Invasion #8: Unlike some other people, I read it.  While Bendis always gets me with his long-view plotting, the short-term stuff is unsatisfactory and honestly, though the set-up intrigues me, I think the execution of the finale (especially in the way the story abruptly changes from as-its-happening to after-the-fact narration for the final installment) loses some of the series’ energy.  The major death, in particular, does not play as emotionally as the narration says it does - which may be a function of Leinil Yu’s art.  Bendis does nice character work, as always, but I feel like Secret Invasion could have done more.

New Avengers #47: What a thoroughly solid issue of Alias.

BONUS: Ghost Rider: Hell Bent and Heaven Bound: Why did I not read this sooner? Jason Aaron delivers what is basically the perfect Ghost Rider comic book, even in light of the character’s drastically changed status quo.

From the letters page of All Star Squadron #48:

Life’s too short, though, to worry about letter-writers whose folks have brought them up wrong, so most of those letters get confined to the trashbasket….  If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a comics fan with an infinite supply of righteous indignation….

Is it ironic that Roy Thomas is complaining about nitpickers, especially when he goes on to spend most of a column’s length running down the core membership of the All Stars to correct an incomplete Who’s Who entry?  I’m gonna go with yes.

ASS #48 is a prime of example of the sort of thing I liked about that particular title as a kid.  There are guest appearances from the Blackhawks and Winston Churchill, and Firebrand II, Robotman and Dr. Fate have an aerial fight with the Luftwaffe.  It’s fun, Nazi-fighting goodness that is almost totally disposable afterwards.  The best part?  The real plot of this two-issue arc involves Wotan fooling Shining Knight into thinking he’s King Arthur in order to turn him against the All Stars, because he thinks it would be more traumatizing to have Fate killed by one of his friends.

I haven’t been reading a lot of comics since the divorce.  I started cutting into my backlog last week, though, and I’m glad I did because I’m missing out on some great stuff.

Some highlights (including some stuff that isn’t new):

Incredible Hercules: If you’re not already reading Herc, I really suggest you try it out.  The current “Love and War” arc manages to be goofy on the surface, mythic at its core and ties into a larger metaplot that spins out of the criminally under-read Ares mini from a few years back - so it’s really a perfect example of the way the Prince of Power rolls every month.  Marvel’s interpretation of Herc is probably my favorite in all of pop culture, and Greg Pak and Fred Van Lente nail it month after month.  Buddy action comedy done in the mighty Marvel manner.

Uncanny X-Men: Brubaker and Fraction’s new direction for this title is basically perfect; San Francisco is the place for the X-Men, and the duo juggles a big, diverse cast without any major fumbles and manages to make the issue-to-issue plots and character beats interesting.  Uncanny is a slick modernization of the X-Men that everybody fell in love with under Chris Claremont.

Umbrella Academy: Dallas: Gerard Way promised that this issue would have the best comic book fight ever in it, and a bunch of little kids, a giant stone Abraham Lincoln and a giant stone John Wilkes Booth certainly live up to that hype.  It took me until issue #3 to really warm on the previous volume, which I ended up loving, so I’m willing to overlook the lack of a clear throughline right now in turn for the collection of really strong moments that show up in the book.  And the art, of course, is made of awesome.

Batman: The ending of RIP is pretty easy to follow, but doesn’t have the requisite daily value of omgfuckawesome that it should have.  That Joker, Damien and Talia are the characters who get the really rewarding spotlight moments (and not Tim or Dick or whoever else) is kind of unexpected.  I think in the long-run, Morrison will have done a good job of shedding the “My Parents Are Dead” shtick from the character, but we’re only halfway through that particular chrysalis right now.

Secret Wars II: So bad it’s good.

Dynamo 5: Issue #18 has a really good superhero beat-em-up that plays on some existing Faerberverse continuity, and the preceding issue is a surprisingly strong origin story for Maddie.

Atomic Robo: Dogs of War: Nazi-punching at its best.

Dear DC Comics,

I’m a  longtime reader - I remember clutching an issue of Firestorm in my white-knuckled hands as I took my very first plane ride and wishing that Ronnie Raymond and Dr. Stein would show up to rescue me when the turbulence got unbearable.  I tell you this not to invoke pathos, just to point out that I’ve been in this for the long haul.

I’m writing because I wanted to tell you that I’m a big fan of your current direction.  One of my favorite books is Judd Winick’s Titans.  Please keep Mr. Winick in your clutches as long as you can and make sure that he writes even more books going forward.  More Winick, less Morrison.  I don’t like to think when I read.

Some other things I really like: unnecessary death and brutality, Gunfire, the dark and edgy take on the Marvel family, Alex Ross’s continued involvement with the plot of JSA, and the character of Atrocitus.  He should have his own series.  I like him so much that I’ve been practicing vomiting up my own blood! I’d suggest that this Red Lantern ongoing replace something stupid like Blue Beetle, but you’ve already come to your senses and axed that pitiful comic.  Maybe you can pull the plug on that awful “Catman and Deadshot Make Out for 20 Pages” book next.

Also, what about a book where Lobo kills people and makes out with Starfire a lot?  Maybe him and Robotman (or a dark, edgy Animal Man who wears a trenchcoat instead of a bomber jacket!) could have beers and then brutally kill C-list DC villains?  I think it’s a good idea and I’d be available to write it.

I was starting to get anxious a year or two ago when I read that your tone was going to be changing to a more family-friendly (lame) one, but I’m incredibly happy that that never actually happened.  Don’t listen to the haters; they obviously don’t understand what’s fun and awesome about comics.  Will we be seeing more Wonder Dog outside of Teen Titans?  Maybe he can kill Phantom Lady or Zatanna or Spoiler (hee hee).

Thanks for noticin’ me,

Jeff