Posts from — July 2007

Pal Bill is covering the scandal dilligently, because Bill is above all else a gossip-monger. I don’t have a whole lot to add, except that Golden’s looking pretty unprofessional and that the buyer doesn’t look that great either. I don’t think it’s a bad sketch (though I’d argue the $500.00-ness of it), but I think I’d take some umbrage at an artist mocking me in a commission piece I paid that amount of bank for.

There are reports that this isn’t the first time Michael Golden has behaved like this, and plenty of poor-quality commissions, usually con sketches, have been scanned and submitted as evidence.

None, however, are as damning as this piece that I’ve uncovered:

All I know is, Bucky O’Hare says it, it must be true.

It comes out tomorrow.

This is exactly the sort of thing we kept expecting from DC after Infinite Crisis, dammit. It’s crazy and fun and light and action-packed and almost Morrisonian in its scripting. Rouleau as a writer was a bit of an unknown quantity for me going in, but he really handles himself well. And the art is of the caliber you expect from him, which is, well, high. The best part is that he understands that Metal Men is really a book about Will Magnus and he writes an awesome Will Magnus.

It’s not often that I’m smiling while reading a DC book these days.

I’d been talking about 7th Sea with Palette lately, which is like someone handing Tony Stark a beer considering what a rabid fan of the game I was. For those less-geeky readers, 7th Sea is a swashbuckling RPG set on a reasonable facsimile of late-Renaissance Earth. The setting is a giant geek portmanteau that manages to include pirates, musketeers, magic, aliens, robots, the Templars, vikings, and the French Revolution. 7th Sea is easy to learn and fun to play, and the kinetic, fast-moving quality of its game engine is only rivaled by Godlike’s One-Roll Engine. The skill system is messy, but it works surprisingly well in most cases (a hallmark of John Wick-designed games, really).

Of course, the sort of swordplay seen in an Errol Flynn movie can’t be replicated by the typical “I roll - I hit - I do 8 damage” model, so the game includes a buffet of Swordsman Schools that a character can belong to, giving them access to a slew of indispensable combat tricks. Where Vampire fans love to design new Bloodlines and the D&D faithful labor over new prestige classes, the 7th Sea fandom loves to make its own Swordsman Schools. I’ve started plenty and finished about 7, and I’ve decided to post them here with some commentary and a bit of polish on my old drafts. And if I do one a day, well, that’s a week.

Today’s entry:

The Distinovich Falconry School
Guild Membership: No
Nationality: Ussura
Weapon Style: Fencing Weapon and Trained Falcon

Basic Curriculum: Fencing, Falconer

Swordsman Knacks: Eye Gouge (Falcon), Distraction (Falcon/Fencing), Tagging (Fencing), Exploit Weakness (Distinovich)

New Swordsman Knack: Distraction
Distraction requires a swordsman to work in tandem with a trained animal or another person. It occupies an enemy’s defenses with a threatened attack from another source, leaving him open to an unavoidable assault from the swordsman. When declaring an attack using Distraction, you roll Finesse + Distraction to hit your opponent, but you must roll a number of raises equal to your enemy’s Finesse to be successful. If you succeed at this roll, the enemy cannot avoid the attack using any Active Defense.

Description: Distinovich is rapidly becoming vogue among the noble youths of Pavtlow, focusing more on style and finesse than traditional Ussuran ferocity. The school is the creation of a social club comprised of Pavtlow’s noble youth, each of whom has a strong interest in falconry. The school, if it can be called that, is not named for any single creator. Rather, it is a nod to a mutual friend of the original practitioners, a Pyeryem sorcerer who wore a falcon spirit skin. Occasionally, the school’s namesake is rumored to make an appearance on the arm of one of his friends during an exhibition.

Distinovich emphasizes synchronized attacks from the bird and the duelist, from a wing buffet to the face followed by a quick strike to a devastating tandem attack. Distinovich duelists employs a sidewise stance intended to protect the gloved off-hand of the fencer, providing a safe roost for the falcon should it become winded or hurt. The sword attacks of the school are more flashy than they are lethal (at least until the falcon begins to attack).

The rapier is the current favored weapon of the school, though saber wielders do exist.

The school’s weakness is its emphasis on showmanship, which may cause a duelist to draw things out far too long instead of taking quick action. The falcon is also a concern, since a duelist’s effectiveness is greatly reduced without his companion. Despite the lack of gravitas often associated with the school’s practitioners, the school prides itself on the deep bond formed between animal and master.

Mastery Levels

Apprentice: The Distinovich Apprentice begins to form an empathic bond with his animal. They stay together nearly constantly and even at this stage move with a limited synchronicity. Each round, if the falcon is not incapacitated, you receive one extra Action Die per Mastery level. These dice are rolled as normal for initiative and may be used only by the falcon. At this level, the falcon is trained to target a mark made by the fencer. Upon making a successful Tagging attack, you may choose to forgo the normal effects of the Tagging knack. Doing so grants your falcon two unkept dice on its next attack.

Because this school is not a member of the Swordsmans Guild, its members receive one free rank in one of their Swordsman Knacks. This does not change the maximum ranks a starting character may hold in any knack.

Journeyman: The bond between fencer and predator becomes more acute and more intuitive. When making a Tagging attack, you always gain the normal benefit of the Tagging knack as well as the Apprentice ability of this school.

One of the favorite tricks of the Journeyman is to use the falcon to harry the opponent, leaving them defenseless for vicious thrust. You receive a Free Raise on all Distraction (Falcon/Fencing) rolls.

Master: The Master Distinovich and his falcon now move and think as one being. They are able to coordinate their attacks to such a degree that teachers of this style claim the falcon becomes an extension of a fencer’s blade. Make an Attack (Fencing) roll at +10 TN in order to perform a coordinated strike. This attack costs both you and the falcon one Action Die. Resolve the attack like a fencing attack, but deal damage twice: once as per the fencers weapon, and once as the falcon. If the attack roll fails, the TN to hit the falcon is reduced to 5 for the remainder of the phase.

Now to break things down for the completely lost.

The first part of the entry is the name of the school, obviously.

Guild membership doesn’t have any mechanical benefits, but is important from a social perspective in 7th Sea’s world of Theah. The Swordsman’s Guild regulates and sanctions public duels and also acts as law enforcement in the case of unsanctioned duels. Distinovich might be a good candidate for Guild membership, but the organization has no real presence in its home nation of Ussura.

Nationality denotes the school’s country of origin. In the case of this school, it’s Ussura, an expansive eastern empire carved from a brutal, unforgiving environment. Ussura is, of course, analogous to Russia. The reference to Pyeryem sorcery in the description above is a nod to the country’s particular sorcerous heritage - the ability to shapeshift into animals.

Weapon style defines what weapons a practitioner must be wielding in order to gain the school’s benefits.

A school’s basic curriculum are a pair of free Skills that the player receives when purchasing the school.

In 7th Sea, Knacks are what we might think of as skills in other games. A 7th Sea skill is a broad category with several subcategories in it, each of them a Knack. For instance, the Fencing skill has two Knacks, Attack (Fencing) and Parry. You will probably roll both of those frequently, but will never roll Fencing.

My initial plan with Distinovich was to create a school based on an attack dog. It was nothing like the finished product, but the initial idea laid a lot of the groundwork for the mechanics of using the falcon as a weapon. That part of it came from me re-reading The Gunslinger and running a 7th Sea game in which one of the players was an Ussuran sorcerer who turned into a falcon. It’s a fun school, and the mechanic is neat, but as a game designer pointed out to me, you’re pretty much useless if the falcon gets taken out (which he neatly summed up as a Top Dollar quote from The Crow).

From Newsarama’s weekly Countdown column, in which the editor says:

…we’re kinda bouncing around now with no apparent “structure”….

If he didn’t say it, I’d never have guessed.

Keith Giffen is on board the Countdown express now, but I can’t help thinking if his presence even matters to the book. I’m a big fan of his layouts in 52, and the man has an eye for panels that few others can match, but he made an impact on 52 by making scenes written by different and distinctive authors seem seamless. Creating a unified look and feel for Countdown seems less necessary, since the whole project is masterminded by a single creator. Most fans dissatisfied with the book aren’t griping about art, but the meandering story. Unless KG is going to plot the book, too, then he ain’t making much of a difference.

Look, a new regular feature at CA. At least until I run out of pictures of Ben Grimm.

Okay, so it’s Saturday afternoon, but I have plans tonight. Besides, Saturday Afternoon Thing just doesn’t have the same ring.

1. Today I got a new job. That’s good. When I found myself unemployed earlier this month, I said that it was a blessing in disguise and that I wouldn’t be out of work for long. After two weeks of interviews and filling out applications, I’ve landed a better job that even pays better than what my previous, unnamed employer was giving me for the sad, unsatisfying job I did there.

2. The Simpsons Movie was pretty funny. I guess now we know where the humor absent from the show for the past few years went. We never find out what happens to poor Harry Plopper, though. Is there a soundtrack for the movie, does anyone know? The Green Day cover of the Simpsons Theme and Danny Elfman’s Spider-Pig Suite are things I need to put on my hard drive nowish.

3. Overheard in grocery store parking lot, inciting incident unknown:

Boyfriend: I’ve just guaranteed that no girl in that store would ever want me.
Girlfriend: *angry* Well, good for you.
Boyfriend: *oblivious to anger* No, good for you.

4. Local paper of record’s entertainment weekly features domestic violence as its cover story. Last week? Local music issue. Next week? Probably something about beer. This week? A feature story about empowering abused women in a newspaper that is fully 60% ads for beer, bars, and strip clubs. To quote Patton Oswalt, “Whackity Schmackity Doo!”

5. DC announces new Minx titles. Group Editor Shelley Bond continues to deny that the imprint’s target demo is men in their 30s who complain to their geeky friends about how terrible romcoms and chick flicks are, but secretly watch Moulin Rouge once a week, sing along, and cry at the end.

6. I don’t watch Moulin Rouge that often, nor have I ever cried from doing so. Casablanca always gets me, though.

7. I swear, I am straight.

8. My birthday is two weeks away. I know 29 is a kind of dumb year to celebrate, but dammit, I haven’t had a real party in a long time. I’m going to buy clearance Pirates of the Caribbean paper plates and napkins, pour liquor and beer into clearance Pirates of the Caribbean paper cups, and maybe have a Guitar Hero tournament. Yes, despite being 29, I still haven’t grown up.

Salem MacGourley makes a fabulously astute observation about Rob Zombie’s writing skills.

whilst the Vatican held the Rosetta Stone, they were able to use it, along with some lines of secret bible code held only by the clergy, to translate the lyrics written by Rob Zombie. As it turns out, Zombie’s lyrics in combination with the Rosetta Stone and biblical code hold quite a few predictions. Many of the early lyrics have already come true, making this find even more astonishing.

What follows is hilarity, but also truth.

The last time I saw Zombie, it was as part of Ozzfest, and his set was the best thing I saw that day, even better than Andrew WK being booed loudly. Zombie in a Ramones t-shirt and a pair of jeans with no elaborate sets or pyro, singing a liberal mix of new stuff and White Zombie material, and interacting with the audience. I’ve always liked the guy’s music, but the only intelligible words in his songs are ‘yeah’ (the most often used), and ‘motherfucker’.

I have these two nieces. They were born about two weeks apart and have grown up a handful of miles away from one another. About a year ago, they referred to each other as ’sister’, which was adorable. The girls really are wonderful - they’re precocious, creepily smart, and scream with wild abandon if you even mention Dora the Explorer or Hannah Montana. Those are their favorites.

The problem is that anything one of the girls has, the other one wants, too. They broke out into a fistfight over my Nintendo DS when one of them managed to pilfer it from me, and that’s what we’ll term a minor incident. When the girls are living together for a week, well, that’s a recipe for danger.

One of the problems with cute, precocious children is that you find yourself talking to them like they’re adults. Sometimes in conversation with either of them I’ll be stopped and told, “I don’t know that word Uncle Jeff.” Really, it breaks your heart.

After a particularly bad episode of covetousness, one of the kids was taken aside by her mom and told, “You need to be the leader, not the follower,” No further explanation given. My niece became neurotic, convinced that she now needed to do everything first. If she didn’t, she sank into a deep-rooted funk that could only be sated by letting her play Puzzle Quest (which she doesn’t understand) or by watching Hannah Montana (which she can quote).

Not surprisingly, the forced leader/follower dichotomy causes more problems than it solves, so unwavering is its hold on the collective of children within the beach house. They shout “Be The Leader!” at one another, as though warning them of some coming punishment. They tease, “I’ll tell your mom you’re not being the leader.” And all of this leads to strife. Being an Irishman by genetics, strife, guilt and trouble course through my blood, but I’m a peacemaker at heart, and I try as hard as I can to bridge the widening gap and somehow salvage my peace and quiet. Sitting them down on the couch, I say, “Why do we hit? What emotion motivates that behavior?” They stare blankly. “Why did you hit your cousin just now?” I pose, hoping that the specificity will work in my favor.

“Because she hit me first.”

I explain as simply as I can that somebody has to be the bigger person eventually, or it’s just going to perpetuate a cycle of retribution that refuses to end. I may have mentioned Beowulf. “Break the cycle,” I tell them. Then they hug me and say, “Okay.”

It takes maybe ten minutes for my error to become clear. One girl’s older brother sneaks up and throws something at her. She starts to get angry, and I say, “Now, what did we just talk about?” She smiles a cherubic little smile, walks up to her brother, and kicks him. I’m stunned. The little boy turns red and cocks his fist, but she holds out her hand admonishingly and bellows, “BREAK THE CYCLE!” I count it as a victory, since they understood at least that someone would eventually need to stop hitting. It’s probably the best I can hope for.

The next time one of my friends starts to tell me what a good parent I’d be, this is the story I’ll tell.

Palette and I may disagree on the merits of Van Helsing, but she has made the best point ever in the comments:

sometimes, dammit, you just have to swing from a motherfucking chandelier, logic be damned!

I want to do Swashbuckling Week so bad, but I know my theme weeks always go wrong.

As consolation, here’s some Michel Carliez fight choreography from Le Bossu/On Guard, a movie that is totally awesome:

A few weeks ago, I went to the beach for a week with my wife and her family. I was looking forward to the chance to relax, drink heavily, and write. We packed the car and left, and I was still fantasizing about peace, quiet, the ocean view, my laptop*, and a pile of index cards and notebooks. I even had a bottle of whiskey and some overpriced microbrew beer. I was ready to live the dream.

And I didn’t write one damn word. And part of that, I admit, is my fault. Puzzle Quest and a Richard Russo novel about goose killing are powerful lures. The real problem, though, is twofold:

1. The days were so populated with structure that I had no time alone to sit and write
2. I’m staying in a house with a baby, two 3 year old girls, and a six year old boy

I love the kids so much, but kids are never conducive to doing anything except what the kids want to do. Usually, this was either getting the PlayStation to work because they can’t figure out how to turn it on, or playing Dora the Explorer, during which my command of Spanish shocked and amazed my nieces.

As for structure, it is my nemesis when it comes time to vacation. My sworn enemy. My idea of vacation is relaxing and just kind of hanging out, but my wife’s compulsive personality drives a nearly demonic need for absolute order. We had to know what time we got to the beach each day, how long we spent there, the exact time she needed to roll over on her back for the best possible sun, and we needed to know in advance what restaurants we were eating at on which days at which times and with whom we would eat. I’m surprised we didn’t do menu drills before leaving, too.

I started to write plenty of times, but either I sat down to work and immediately had something demanded of me or found a free moment but didn’t have the energy to work.

Since I’ve been home, though, I’m much more productive. Some cutting and pasting and polishing aside, I’m pretty sure I’m done with the elusive comic script I keep rewriting; at least, the first issue of it. I’m trying hard not to feel a sense of accomplishment until it’s really for real done, but the feedback I’ve gotten on it so far is good. Maybe with this behind me, I can work faster. One of the things that tripped me up after a certain point was a slavish devotion to screenplay style. So the front half of the thing reads like normal, and it took me forever, and the back half is in Marvel style, more or less, and I blew through it. I think I got way too obsessed with breaking the panels down at a certain point, and that let the story take a back seat.

Anyway, have to run for now. More vacation tales tomorrow.

*which my wife only recently discovered was not a labtop.